Can Intimacy be Scaled in Marketing?
I’ve been asking myself this question, since I recently wrote my article on the Illusion of Intimacy in Online Marketing. This question is at the heart of online marketing, and really marketing in general. I know that many people believe that intimacy can be scaled, but I’m not one of them.
Let’s consider for a moment what intimacy in business is. Intimacy is the deliberate creation of a relationship where both people get to know each other. Can this happen in business? It most certainly can. For more of my thoughts on what intimacy in business looks like, check out my video.
But when you try to scale intimacy all you get is less and less of a relationship, and more and more of a one sided conversation (otherwise known as marketing). And the further you get away from in-person conversation and connection the less intimacy you have.
But what about the stories where people vulnerably reveal themselves?
I know its become quite fashionable to write stories where you spill your guts and share some painful traumatic experience as a way of saying to readers, “I know where you’re at, because I’ve been there.”
I’ve written such stories myself and I’ll likely write them again.
But its important to recognize that intimacy isn’t simply the choice to be vulnerable online or in a book. Intimacy is also defined by the actual connection and conversation and relationship building that occurs.
And yes, this can happen to some extent on mediums such as this one, or Facebook, or other online platforms where people can comment and be replied to. But we’re still dealing with the limitations of the media we’re using.
And so while intimacy can be scaled to a degree, to ignore the limitations of the medium is to also ignore the fact that scaled intimacy is just that: Scaled and to some degree artificial as a result.
The other thing which has to be recognized is the expectations and limitations built around intimacy with a given form of media.
For example, this very article has limitations and expectations built around intimacy.
The expectations are that if someone comments, I’ll respond back. Perhaps I’ll get some claps. Maybe someone will even click a link to an article or my website.
The limitations are that this is an article. It may get some interactions and shares, and even a comment or two, but it doesn’t necessarily engender feelings of deep connection or intimacy. You may know me a bit more about me as a result of reading this article, but unless you comment or reach out to me privately, I won’t necessarily know more about you.
Let me share a few other examples of how scaleable intimacy really is with given online mediums.
A book is another example of what I would call a low intimacy expectation. It’s a one way communication. The author can share intimate stories and those stories will likely have an impact on the reader, but the reader can’t easily have a conversation with the author. Even if they reach out, the author isn’t necessarily going to throw everything down to have an intimate conversation. They’ll write back, but they have their own lives and work to do (I know this because I’m a published author myself. I enjoy hearing from people who read my books and make the effort to respond, but I also have to protect my writing time, among other things).
Another example is an email marketing list. An email marketing list is a one to many medium of communication. It has a low-to medium intimacy expectation. The people on your e-list may or may not read your email, may or may not act on it and may or may not respond. If they do respond, they (quite reasonably) expect a response from you, because they’ve taken the time to write you. Nonetheless for the most part the e-list is similar to the book. It’s you sharing a message where people learn a bit more about you (and maybe you learn a bit more about them).
Then there’s social media such as Linkedin and Facebook. Despite the fact that these online mediums are interactive, the amount of intimate engagement is limited by the medium, by the metrics set up to limit connection (unless you pay) and by all the noise of people trying to talk over each other. Social media is a lot like a really loud party where you have lots of people talking and almost no one really listening or engaging in anything remotely like a deep conversation.
And finally let’s consider an online class. An online class, where you’ve paid for access to a teacher is nonetheless not all that intimate. Unless the class is live what you really get is a talking head. You might also get a team of people who are supposed to help you with any challenges you have, but again the amount of interaction is limited, and chances are that team won’t be able to go as deep as you need. An online class can still be a good opportunity to learn something, but lets not kid ourselves either…its not all that intimate.
Intimacy can’t be scaled because it isn’t a commodity you can buy and sell.
Yet that’s exactly what marketing tries to do and fails at. People are fortunately wising up to the fake intimacy of marketing and seeing through it for what it is: A sham promise of connection that simply can’t be fulfilled by clever marketing language or the promise that all your problems will be solved if you just take this class.
Genuine intimacy takes time to develop, because its based around the relationship you have with a given person. If I want someone to be a life long client, then just using online mediums will not be enough to cultivate that kind of loyalty. At some point you’ll have to go deeper with those people. Intimacy is more than just words or videos or webinars. Intimacy is a choice to get to know someone and not surprisingly if you choose to get to know a client, you’ll learn about who they are, outside of the strict context of business.
For example, when I work with a client one-on-one I inevitably learn about more than just their business. I learn about their family. I learn details about their past or current situations they are in. I learn about their hopes and dreams, challenges and struggles.
None of this happens through “scaled intimacy” because scaled intimacy isn’t designed to truly let you in. It’s designed to give you the illusion of connection, but that illusion is dispelled once you realize just how fake the actual connection is.
Now this model of scaling intimacy can work to some degree, but it only works up until the point that someone realizes that they can’t get access to you. Then it falls apart, because it becomes clear that the relationship was never all that important. Instead what was important was selling you on the fantasy of the relationship, just so someone could get into your wallet.
As business owners we do need to make money and making money is good. But we also have to recognize the human component and decide if a short term approach to making money is worth all the churn and burn that comes with it. Scaling intimacy will lead to churn and burn, whereas as making the choice to cultivate a genuine relationship will likely result in a long term relationship, as well as introductions to other people who can use your help. Deciding which is more important can you tell a lot about the value you place on relationships and how they contribute to your success as a business owner.
Taylor Ellwood teaches business owners how to grow their business with systems, processes, and boundaries. You can learn more at Eccentric Entrepreneurs. If you liked this article, could you give it some claps and share it?
