The Epiphany

In my previous post I shared backstory and how my business failed. As I closed everything down I decided to give myself some time to really reflect on what happened and what went wrong.

I came to a few key conclusions that helped me begin to turn things around.

I wanted to make a difference in peoples’ lives, but I had never truly defined what that difference ought to be. Instead I had let circumstance guide me toward the businesses I provided. At the same time I let the well-intentioned advice of other people take me away from a pivotal strength of mine. That well-intentioned advice was to try and fit in, look a certain, act a certain way, but I’ve never really fit in, never belonged and I am my best when I stand out for my differences, when I let my weirdness run wild and simply be myself.

I felt this internal conflict where I was fighting myself and my true identity. I was getting so wrapped up in the image instead of being true to the reality. And as a result I wasn’t really connecting with anyone meaningfully.

I also spread myself way too thin by focusing on multiple businesses and other obligations I had taken on. I felt stressed out and overwhelmed because there was always so much going on and I never felt like I had enough time to focus on any one project successfully. As a result its no surprise that everything fizzled.

Finally I recognized that I had also been putting off an essential part of my life, waiting for things to happen, instead of just doing it. Namely I had been putting off writing fiction because I felt like I had to make business successful.

Having a job instead of a business forced me to start evaluating my life and get focused on what’s essential to my happiness. I came to the conclusion that there are 4 things which are essential to me:

1. My magic
2. My writing, fiction and non-fiction
3. Making a difference in people’s lives
4. My freedom to live on my own schedule.

Over the course of 2018 I’ve spent a lot of time and effort reconnecting to my spiritual practice in an authentic way that is meaningful to me. I’ve also revamped my non-fiction writing and started actively working on my fiction writing.

I’ve also started working toward getting my freedom back so I can focus full time on what matters and now I’m beginning to figure out what it is I want to coach people about.

Getting everything off my plate and asking myself what is essential was the start of my journey back. In my next post I’ll share why I’m writing these posts.